last day of the year

It hasn't been a terrific year. The way 04 is ending doesn't make it any better. It's a sombre mood around. People are grieving. Even the sky's weeping. There's much to talk about here but nothing worth mentioning. All other stuffs seem so frivolous. Everything else pales in comparison.

27th december

I was pretty surprised when I first received this organiser. The first date to kickstart the new year shows 27th December. Coincidentally, this is my favourite day of the year. I wonder whether it is a sign. A sign that a new beginning awaits me not on the first day of 2005 but on this particular day itself. So, as from today onwards, I shall resolve to be a less lazy, more disciplined and better person. May my life be filled with more happines, prosperity and peace.

what a christmas

This is really strange. The days before Christmas were filled with merry carols coming from a few blocks away. Every day when I'm sitting in front of my computer, the left ear would hear a different tune from that shopping mall. The music never stopped. And now that Christmas is finally here, there is not a single sound coming from there at all. I have been straining my ears hoping to catch something for the last 3 hours but I thought I heard nothing.

mad and madder

I think I'm going mad. My brain isn't functioning well these days. I wonder why. The day before, I ordered minced meat noodles from my favourite uncle. He asked me, "Yao bu yao la?" Immediately, I shook my head. I thought he was asking me whether I wanted lard. I ended up eating noodles with tomato sauce and extra vinegar (my usual request) in it. Super bad combination. And come to think of it, uncle doesn't speak English. Why would he ask me about lard? Today was no better. I was smsing Lousyboy halfway when suddenly I thought I forgot to bring the phone out. How could the thought enter my head when the phone was in my hand all along? I was struck momentarily. I wonder what's happening to me. Could the central body committee have decided to stage an end of the year cleaning of the brain without informing me? Could it be the brain and the hands aren't on talking terms? Or maybe it's just me. They must have not liked me anymore. So sad.

demoralizing month of the year

It's confirmed. I can't drive to save my life. I feel like an idiot. No, I shall not blame the vito.

die

A sudden realization hit me. I realize I forgot how to paint.

in the face of reality

I attended a workshop on how to teach creatively on Saturday. All of which lasted for a mere 2-hour. I wish it could have been longer. There was only that much that could be taught. I am not quite sure whether I will be able to teach creatively thereafter but I certainly enjoyed the class. It allowed me to be a student once more. I love that feeling. Being in a class of people, taking notes, trying my best to pay attention to the teacher, stifling a few yawns here and there, daydreaming a bit, having drawing exercises... All of it. It made me realize how much I miss being in school. There is so much that I know not of and so much that I still need to learn. I wonder what I was doing all those years as a student. How much of those taught went into my head and remained there? Sadly, I doubt it was a lot. I know I could have done better but mediocrity was my best friend then. It is not so much about the grades but more to do with the amount of knowledge that slipped pass me. Those knowledge that I threw away without realizing or perhaps recklessly. I could have been a better person but I am not. With regrets and guilt, an ignorant fool wrote this.

:: And to make myself feel better, I am posting what I did during the workshop. Relishing every moment of it.

11 months just passed me by.

This is so scary. It is the last month of the year. Just like that.